


Bruises: Phase Three

by KinkyPlotBunny



Series: Asylum, or Making a Life [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: BDSM, Bodily Fluids, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Humilation Kink, Love, M/M, Painplay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 06:01:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 10,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28790637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KinkyPlotBunny/pseuds/KinkyPlotBunny
Summary: Here it is - Phase Three of the "Bruises" franchise.I keep coming up with scenes for this, but they don’t really work as an arc. So Phase Three is a loose collection of one shots rather than chapters of a bigger story. It’s a WIP, and I think I will come back to it every now and then to add a new chapter.It will make no sense whatsoever if you haven't read "Bruises" and "Bruises: Phase Two".
Relationships: Loki (Marvel)/Original Female Character(s), Loki/Stephen Strange
Series: Asylum, or Making a Life [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1737073
Comments: 37
Kudos: 7





	1. Brat

**Author's Note:**

> This is for Sara_The_Scribbler, who came up with the idea a millenium ago and has probably completely forgotten about it. Yes, I dedicate the opening scene of Phase Three to you 😘

It was supposed to be a light teasing scene, but something was in the air tonight, and when I had Loki tied up, I realised what it was: he was in brat mode. I'd never really seen that before. Usually he was all too eager to submit and get into the head space, but tonight something had gotten into him. I could see it in his eyes before he'd even started to refuse my orders. It was about protocol at first. Him not answering questions, or not doing it properly. But it was cheeky, provocative, sassy, playful, and instead of really punishing him I decided to play along. Which only served to kindle the fire in his eyes.

"I'll ask one more time, and only because you're this pretty. Did you or didn't you wear your plug this morning?"

"What if I didn't?"

He actually had the nerve to grin. Ok mister. Two can play this game. I smacked his ass hard a few times.

"Maybe I should just push it in now and see how well that goes?"

"Maybe you should. _Ma'am_."

I'd never heard any sub use that title this disrespectfully. I slapped him backhanded.

"You will say yes ma'am or no ma'am, and you will mean it, and that's all I want to hear out of your mouth."

He made a show of pressing his lips together and wriggling his eyebrows.

"You don't feel like speaking? Fine."

I pinched his nose until he had to gulp in air, and then I forced a gag into his mouth. His eyes were glued to mine now, blazing with stubborn resistance.

"You obviously need discipline. When you're ready to behave, nod and I will stop, take the gag out and check if you earned the privilege of speech back."

I took position behind him and raised the heavy leather flogger. This was going to be a long night.

I couldn't tell for sure from where I was standing, but he was probably biting down on the gag really hard, because twenty strokes in he still hadn't made a single sound. Stubborn, proud bastard. Just to be sure I paused.

"Are you going to behave now?"

He just snorted through his nose. Yeah. Didn't think so.

He could control his voice, but he couldn't control his cock. Which was showing clear signs of Loki enjoying his "punishment". And that gave me an idea.

I left him waiting to get one of my favourite pieces of gear: the infamous Gates of Hell. Loki started panting when he saw them, eyes dark with anticipated pleasure pain. I locked eyes with him, making sure he wanted them. Oh boy did he want them. I slipped the cold metal over his half hard cock and he leaned into it as much as his restraints would allow, letting out a barely suppressed moan. And then I went back to flogging him. Ass, thighs, back, again and again. And then the flogger wrapped around his side and hit his stomach, and that was when I heard the first sound of pain from him. I repeated the exact same move half a dozen times, his pale skin turning fiercely red and his pained noises constant now. I paused. Stepped in front of him. His head was hanging, but he raised it and forced himself to look at me, still defiant, challenging me to do worse. Fine. The flogger hit his chest, squarely over both nipples, leaving angry red stripes. Again. Lower. Again. I could tell he was fighting to stay upright. I gave him a break, locking eyes, and then pointedly looking at his now fully erect, trapped cock. It had to be painful. When I raised my eyes back to his there was fear and lust all mingled together. I took the gag out.

"You know what's coming. You can still prevent it from happening. Are you going to be a good boy from now on?"

"Make me."

It was such a cliché that it made me laugh, and while I was still laughing the tips of the flogger brushed the tip of his cock. Just a taste.

"Wanna reconsider?"

"No," he panted. "I haven't seen anything convincing."

"Yet," I purred, and the flogger hit his cock. Still less than full force but going harder and harder.

"I want you at my feet as soon as the restraints come off," I said while still hitting him.

"That sounds... awfully uncomfortable," he forced out between sobs of pain.

I hit him harder, giving it my everything, changing the angle to get his balls, and then I stepped back to have more room to move. One strike from my shoulder, with all the strength of my arm, and he cried out.

"Red! Please! Red! I surrender! Please..."

I immediately dropped the flogger and knelt, placing a gentle kiss to the tip of his cock.

"Do you want the restraints off first or the Gates?"

"Restraints, please. Please untie me."

As soon as he could he sank to his knees, cock still trapped.

"Thank you," he whispered, "and I'm sorry I was disrespectful. I did wear the plug in the morning, ma'am."

"So what was all this about?"

I could hear the cocky grin in his voice when he said:

"Just trying to get what I want."

It made me chuckle. Lifting his chin I said:

"There are easier ways to get what you want, you know that, right?"

"But they're not as fun."

Playful and gorgeous. I kissed him deeply, and he moved into it.

"So what now? Take care of the welts or the cock?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Greedy."

He laughed, rich and warm, and stood.

"You're amazing. You make me feel so incredibly good," he murmured softly, caressing my neck, leaning in to place a gentle, open mouthed kiss on my collar bone.

"Likewise," I said, closing my eyes and enjoying his tenderness. This scene had gone completely off script, but by now I had enough confidence in our relationship to do that without being worried, and it felt amazing.


	2. Marcus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a little tie-in for chapter 14 of Phase Two, "Eating Out"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is super short. It feels like a deleted scene, but who knows what it might lead to.

(please imagine this in Benedict’s voice:) “Previously on Bruises”:

_A little later Stephen and I were waiting in the parking lot, leaning against the hood of my car, enjoying the summer night breeze. Loki had said he’d be with us in a minute, but he hadn’t shown up yet._   
_“Who’s he flirting with, you reckon?” Stephen said with a grin I could hear without looking at him._   
_I shrugged._   
_“My money’s on that blonde sub with the fresh bruises,” Stephen added._   
_“They did look stunning on her, but I’m willing to bet it’s her Dom.”_   
_Stephen raised his eyebrows._   
_“Huh. How much?”_   
_“What do you mean?”_   
_“The bet.”_   
_“Money’s boring. How about… winner gets the sub tonight?”_   
_“Deal.”_

_Meanwhile inside the restaurant:_

Loki made a bee line for the bar and leaned on it, waiting for their waiter to come out of the kitchen. When he did, Loki cleared his throat.  
“Excuse me?”  
The young man looked at him with a small smile.  
“Yes?”  
“I just wanted to thank you. That chocolate mousse was gorgeous. I owe that to you, right?”  
The waiter’s smile got wider.  
“I'm glad you liked it. I just thought... well I certainly need chocolate after an intense scene. I hope your Doms didn't mind?”  
Loki chuckled.  
“No they didn't. And they certainly enjoyed watching me eat it.”  
That made the waiter laugh.  
“I bet they did.”  
Loki bit his lip.  
“Listen... can I give you my number? I'm sorry if that's a bit sudden, but I'd like to buy you a drink someday. If you like.”  
“I'd like that. I'm Marcus,” he said, extending his hand.  
Loki shook it.  
“Loki.”  
“Nice to meet you, Loki.”  
“Likewise!”

And that’s how Loki made a friend.


	3. Voice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another short one

Loki was on the phone, planning his next visit at Stephen’s, and they both had a lot of fun doing it. Anticipation is half the pleasure and all.

“Repeat the rules to me,” Stephen ordered, and Loki sat a little straighter.

“The moment I come through your door I strip, kneel, and wait for your orders. The privilege to speak will be taken away from me. Complete surrender for 48 hours straight. Your pleasure only. If, when and how I get to feel any is your decision.”

There was a pause. Stephen obviously needed a moment, but then he said:

“Exactly.”

When Loki showed up at Stephen’s doorstep a few days later, he immediately reached for the hem of his shirt to pull it over his head, but Stephen stopped the motion.

“Wait.”

Loki looked at him. Stephen framed Loki’s face and kissed him, deep and slow.

“I love you. I've missed you so much.”

“I've missed you, too, Stephen. I couldn't wait to be yours.”

Stephen took a deep breath and let it out through his mouth. Taking a step back he ordered:

“On your knees. 48 hours start now.”

And then _I_ was on the phone with Stephen.

“You know, maybe depriving myself of his voice wasn't my smartest idea,” he mused.

It made me chuckle.

“How about setting him a task to earn the privilege back? For a limited time maybe?”

“That's actually a great idea. I'll make him fail, punish him, and then force him to try again.”

“Rinse and repeat.”

Stephen sighed dramatically.

“Until I can't take it any longer not to hear him speak.”

I chuckled again.

“You're such a Dom.”

“I know. Longing for my sub's voice...”

I felt my smile turn soft.

“Don't feel bad. It's a gorgeous voice.”

Stephen just hummed.

“Yes. Yes it is.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean. It really is, right?


	4. Clean Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please remember these scenes are a loose collection. This isn't the same weekend as the chapter before - which means Loki is allowed to speak.  
> Beware of the new tag - body fluids (namely cum, in this one).

Loki was kneeling in the bathroom, collared and leashed, hands cuffed behind his back, watching hungrily as Stephen stepped out of the shower and dried himself off. Loki was tied _just_ out of reach of Stephen's cock, and he started straining against the collar so hard that it cut off his air.

“Please let me have your cock, sir,” he begged, backing off just enough to be able to speak.

“No,” Stephen said, voice cold.

“Please!”

“You have no idea how to be useful to me.”

“Please let me try, sir!”

“Try?!”

“I'm sorry, sir. Please let me make you come, sir.”

“No. Like I said, you'd be useless. A waste of time. I'll do it myself.”

Stephen unceremoniously started to jerk himself off, completely ignoring Loki’s quiet pleas. A few minutes later he asked:

“Where do you think I'm going to come?”

“In my mouth, sir?”

Stephen just snorted.

“You are such a greedy piece of shit. No. You will not touch my cock.”

“My face then, sir?”

“Think again. Do you honestly think you're worth having my cum on your body?”

“No, sir,” Loki whispered, sounding completely resigned.

When Stephen came, he splashed the wall, cum running down the tiles slowly as if to mock Loki, who couldn't take his eyes off it.

”Please,” he whimpered, licking his lips.

“Please what?”

“Please let me lick your cum off the wall, sir. Please?”

Stephen took his sweet time untying Loki's leash and leading him to the wall.

“You'll wait until it reaches the floor. Then you'll lick it up.”

“Yes, sir.”

Waiting, eyes fixed on Stephen's cum, Loki kept licking his lips over and over.

“Now,” Stephen commanded.

“Yes, sir. Thank you, sir!”

Loki knelt down, ass up, and started licking.

“Keep it in your mouth.”

Loki nodded and hummed his confirmation. Stephen left the room for a few minutes, and when he came back, he ordered:

“Show me.”

Loki obeyed. Stephen hummed and caressed Loki’s face.

“Swallow.”

Loki did, slow and deliberate, moaning around his master’s cum like he'd never tasted anything better.

“Thank you, sir! It’s so good...”

“Such a good boy,” Stephen said, his hand still on Loki’s jaw. “Actually I think it’s all the food you need, don’t you agree?”

Loki moaned again.

“Yes, sir,” he whispered, leaning into Stephen’s palm. “Thank you for feeding me.”

“You’re welcome. You’ll have to earn every drop of it though.”

“Yes, sir. I will.”


	5. Warrior

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One word can be all it takes... and Loki doesn't take it well.

Loki and I had just finished lunch and were doing the dishes, when I noticed something was off. Or rather I finally realised what it was that had been off all morning.

“Are you okay?” I asked him, looking at him sideways.

He paused and looked up, obviously taken by surprise.

“Yes, I'm fine, why?”

“You're moving a little stiffly.”

Loki blushed very slightly and lifted his sweater, revealing a leather corset.

“Oh my god I’ve never seen that on you! Why have I never seen that on you?”

He dropped the hem of his sweater.

“I usually only wear it at my place. I didn't think it was something you'd like.”

I just grinned and leaned my hip on the kitchen counter.

“So how come you did bring it today?”

The tiny little sheepish smile told me everything. No need to rub it in. Instead I just asked:

“How does it feel? For you?”

“Oddly comfortable, actually. It makes me feel safe. And stronger, for some reason. So… you do like it?”

I stepped closer and pulled his sweater over his head so I could run my hands down his leather-clad chest and stomach, circling his waist.

“It looks like a warrior's armour on you,” I said when I stepped back.

He stared at me for an eternity, and then he grabbed his sweater and turned on his heel without a word. He didn’t even close the kitchen door behind himself.

What the… ? Was he running out on me? I didn’t hear the front door, but I didn’t hear anything else either. And what on earth had I done wrong? Okay fine, warrior’s armour might have been a little over the top but it wasn’t a bad thing, was it?

I closed my eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, and then I went to go find my lover. Who was probably sulking, and for a reason I could only very vaguely guess.

I found him standing at the living room window, looking out, both hands rested on the windowsill.

“Hey,” I said softly, mostly to alert him of my presence.

He didn’t move a muscle.

“I’m sorry. I… can’t right now,” he said, and it confused me even further.

“You can’t what right now?”

“Justify my behaviour.”

I let out a sigh.

“You don’t have to justify anything, Loki. I would appreciate an explanation at some point so I get what I did wrong, but—”

His head dropped to his chest.

“You did nothing wrong. Please just… please.”

Please what, leave him alone? Change the subject?

“I’m afraid you will have to give me a little more than—”

He whirled around.

“I can’t, okay? There is nothing I could possibly tell you that would explain this. Just… back off, okay?”

Oh wow. Okay…

“Okay… so, I what, just don’t approach you for a while?”

“Would you prefer me to leave?”

Another sigh freed itself and it hurt a little in my throat.

“Loki. For fuck’s sake. How is this about me all of a sudden? What is it that _you_ want? Or need?”

“How about my life back. Or wait, you can’t give me that. Nobody can. Too bad then. I’ll have to suck it up and deal with it, right?”

Holy shit. I’d never seen him like this. It felt like I didn’t even know the person I was talking to, and that was very, very scary. Which was exactly what I should have told him, but the words ‘You’re scaring me’ just wouldn’t pass my lips. For the first time in a long while I was absolutely at a loss as to how to handle the situation. It reminded me of the scene in which I had accidentally triggered him – and even back then he hadn’t felt this closed off, this distant, this… alien. I had never been afraid of him, but now I was.

“Maybe it would be best if you went back to your place for a while,” I heard myself say, unsure when my brain had made that decision, but maybe it hadn’t been my brain.

Loki stared at me, and I could see, practically watch playing out over his face the emotions he was going through. Surprise. Hurt. Anger. Bitterness.

He rushed past me and left the house a minute later without a word.

Holy fucking shit that hurt.

I was sitting on my couch, chewing on my lip, phone in hand. Call Loki? Text him? Call Stephen? Call Mia? But it hadn’t been a kink thing and Mia knew nothing about his background – well, duh, that made two of us – so she wouldn’t be able to help me out. And that was the first time it really hit me: I knew nothing about him. About his past, at least. He’d shown up in my life and swept me off my feet, but he never talked about anything before that. Other than his torture trauma. I knew nothing about his family. There was a vague association with Northern Europe, Norway, maybe? But that was it. I panicked.

Stephen picked up, thank god. It was the middle of a Saturday afternoon but you never knew with Stephen. He worked odd hours… focus, girl.

Stephen could tell right away that something was up. No, Loki hadn’t been in contact.

“Why are you asking? Is he okay? Are you okay?”

And I lost it.

“I have no idea who he is, Stephen! I mean, I don’t know if maybe he’s more talkative with you than with me and I don’t expect you to breach his confidence if he told you anything he didn’t tell _me_ , but—”

“Hey. Hey! Breathe. Start from the beginning, okay? What happened?”

So I told him what happened, and I ended with:

“Have you ever asked him about his past?”

“Not really, no. It seemed pretty obvious that that was off limits.”

“Yeah, same here. But, don’t you wonder? Sometimes?”

“Sometimes. Are you worried?”

“I’m not sure. Should I?”

I could almost see him smile.

“Look, we don’t know anything about his former self, that’s true. But we do know his present self. Is he giving you any reason to doubt him? His motives or his actions or just anything about him?”

I felt some of the tension bleed out of my shoulders, and I started to smile myself.

“You’re gorgeous.”

“I know."

I chuckled.

“If you were here, I’d give you a hug. Or possibly a kiss.”

“Ew. Gross.”

And that made me laugh out loud. Count on Dr Stephen Strange for comic relief. Much, much needed comic relief.

I paced for a while, and then I texted Loki:

‘Hey. I’m sorry things escalated like that. I still don’t understand why they did, but I do understand if you can’t explain or aren’t allowed to or don’t want to. Just please let me know what’s going on in your head. Can we please talk soon?’

And I kept pacing until it became obvious that he wasn’t looking at his phone. He didn’t pick up when I called him.

I debated driving to his place but decided against it.

An hour later I pulled up in front of Loki’s building because guess what, I just couldn’t handle the silence. He didn’t open the door. I played with my spare key, absolutely unsure what to do. If I let myself in against his will he would most likely be pissed – but what if he needed me?

I put my key in the lock of his apartment door, prepared to find it locked and blocked from the inside, but it opened. I swallowed.

“Loki? It is okay for me to come in?”

No answer. Wait, had the key turned once or twice? Was he sulking (or worse), or was he maybe just not home? And what would _that_ mean?

I checked every room, but if I was honest with myself, I knew that he wasn’t there. I tried to scan his apartment for obviously missing things that would give me a hint, but I didn’t feel comfortable snooping too much. So I just sat down on his couch. I felt tears come to my eyes. Snorting at my overly dramatic reaction I tried to tell myself that he probably went for a walk or to have a beer somewhere or that he might be at his office, but my thoughts just went in circles.

I lay down on Loki’s couch, curled up, and realised we hardly ever spent any time here. He basically came here when he needed a little space, or to get something, or, very rarely, when he wanted some quality time with Stephen that I wasn’t supposed to witness. The thought made me smile.

I woke up when I heard something, and immediately sat up. I really, really hadn’t planned on falling asleep. Loki stood in the living room door, staring at me. I swallowed.

“Hey, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

I stood up but didn’t close the distance. He briefly closed his eyes and grimaced.

“No. _I’m_ sorry. I owe you an explanation.”

I still stood rooted to the floor.

“You scared me.”

There. I’d finally said it, but of course it was completely out of context now, and naturally, Loki misunderstood.

“Don’t worry. Safe and pretty much sober.”

I gave him a small smile.

“No, I mean earlier. At my place. You seemed so… alien.”

Something happened the moment I said it, but I couldn’t read him. Suddenly he felt as distant as he had back then. It scared me anew. He frowned, and when the penny dropped he looked utterly shocked.

“You were scared of me? That’s why you didn’t want me there?”

“Yeah. Stupid, I know, but… yeah. I was.”

He took a step closer but thought better of it. He swallowed hard.

“I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am that I made you feel like you couldn’t trust me anymore. I swear I would never harm you in any way.”

“I know,” I said, but it didn’t sound very convincing even in my own ears.

I took a breath. “I mean, you’ve never given me any reason not to trust you, not before today and not today either. It’s just that I realised how little I know about you.” I briefly thought of Stephen. “Your former self, I mean. And that’s okay,” I quickly added. “It’s just – it was… unsettling, for a moment.”

I could tell he wanted to be closer to me but deliberately kept his distance in order to be as nonthreatening as possible, and I loved him for it.

“Hey,” I said, taking a step towards him. “Come here.”

And he did. He closed the distance and pulled me into a hug.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured into my hair. “I’m so, so sorry. There’s so much you don’t know and so much I can’t tell you, and it kills me that I can’t. But… I can’t. That’s not going to change. I can never tell you. I’m sorry.”

I took a step back to look at him.

“Can you at least tell me why?”

He thought about it for a moment, and then he took my hand and led me back to the couch. We sat down, and he took my other hand, too.

“Do you remember the movie we watched recently? With the actor who played Aragorn?”

I chuckled.

“Viggo Mortensen? Oh you mean ‘A History Of Violence’!”

And then my stomach dropped.

“Oh my god it’s some sort of witness protection programme?”

He heaved a sigh.

“Not exactly, but it’s the best I can give you.”

I could feel the blood drain out of my face.

“Are you saying that if you told me, if anyone blew your cover, they might get to you? The people who…”

“Yes. They might. It’s highly unlikely, but still.”

I hugged him as tight as I could.

“I swear to god I will never even bring this up again.”

Hugging me back he said:

“It’s okay. You couldn’t have known. Something you said triggered a memory. A lot of memories actually, and it hit me surprisingly hard that all of that is lost and gone, in the past. It was… a bit much. But not your fault.”

“So – how did you deal with it?”

He let go and sighed again.

“Went for a walk. Had a beer. Called my therapist.”

“Huh.”

“What?”

“Two out of three…”

“I’m not following.”

I started to grin.

“I assumed two out of those three.”

“Two thirds. Not bad.”

It made me chuckle.

“You’re becoming predictable.”

He tackled me, and a second later he had me pinned down on the couch.

“Take that back. I am most certainly not predictable!”

“You’re practically an open book,” I teased him, and he shut me up very efficiently.

I moved into his kiss as his hand wandered down my side, sneaking under my tee.

“Not fair,” I murmured, and he laughed.

“Are you complaining?”

“Nope.”

I ran my hands up and down his back.

“So the takeaway here is that you won’t wear the corset for me?”

I froze the moment the words had left my mouth. Loki let go of me and sat up. I mirrored him.

“I’m…”

“It’s fine. It wasn’t the corset. Not… directly.”

I made a mental note not to mention it again anyway. Just to be safe. I swallowed once and took a breath.

“So, I guess I’d rather go home. We’re good, right?”

“Yes! Yes, we are.”

He took my hand again.

“And you don’t have to. You could just stay.”

I looked at him, reminded of my earlier thoughts about not spending much time at his place, and smiled at him. It was a good idea. It felt right. Here, this, was who he was. Not that elusive, secret past of his. But who he had become. Who he’d chosen to be.

So of course I said yes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew. Crisis averted. And I am so proud of Loki for calling his therapist instead of doing something dramatic and idiotic. And yes she's available to him on a Saturday because she's amazing.  
> Edit: Hey. HEY! I quoted Ragnarok, did you see? DID YOU SEE?!
> 
> artwork by jotunemo - thank you Nicky!!


	6. Belt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea if anyone still uses pagers... don't come at me if it's not a thing anymore.

Loki had just arrived at Stephen’s place, they’d said hello, and as they sat down on the couch Stephen said:

“I should warn you.”

He held up his pager.

“I'm on standby this weekend. I wasn't supposed to, but I had to take a colleague's shift who fell down the stairs this morning and broke a leg.”

He ran his hand through his hair and sighed.

“What I'm trying to say is I know it's not ideal. I should have told you. But I wanted to see you so badly... I'm sorry.”

“Stephen.”

Loki moved closer, his hand running up and down Stephen's thigh.

“It's fine.”

Grinning, he added:

“Maybe don't put me in super complex bondage. In case you have to run out on me.”

Stephen chuckled.

“Other than that I'm all yours,” Loki went on, straddling Stephen, his voice easily slipping into the silvery purr that never failed to drive his lovers nuts.

“God, I’ve missed you,” Stephen murmured, looking up at Loki, eyes darkening.

Of course Stephen's beeper went off mid dessert. He stood and dropped his napkin onto his plate.

“I'm sorry.”

“It's fine.”

“Can I leave you with... this?”

He gestured to the dinner table and the mess in the kitchen while shrugging into his coat. Loki gave him a quick kiss.

“Go save a life. Make me proud.”

Hours later Loki's phone beeped. It was a message from Stephen asking if he was still up. Loki called him to say that he was, and that he would wait for Stephen.

“You… don’t have to.”

“Stephen. I’m good. Just get back here, okay?”

When Stephen did, he looked tired and somewhat absentminded.

“Are you okay?” Loki asked.

“I just lost a patient on the table.”

It stunned Loki. They rarely talked about Stephen’s job, and he had no idea how often something like that would happen, but it very obviously affected Stephen.

“I’m sorry,” Loki said softly.

He stood close, trying to gauge the situation, but Stephen didn’t say anything. Loki ran a hand down Stephen's chest and stomach and dropped to his knees.

“Loki. Don't.”

Loki looked up at him.

“I mean it. No.”

“Okay.”

Loki slowly stood.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Most certainly not.”

“Hm. You don’t want my mouth on you. You don’t want to talk. Let’s see what else I might have to offer you…”

Loki started opening his shirt, one button at a time, his eyes never leaving Stephen's.

“Loki. I'm not going to play with you in the state I'm in.”

“It might be just what you need in the state you're in.”

“It's not safe. And barely sane.”

“It's risk aware. And consensual. And I want it more than anything right now.”

Stephen didn’t react.

“Please,” Loki whispered, moving in. “Please grant me this. Hurt me. Please...”

Stephen grabbed the back of Loki’s neck and pulled him into a brutal kiss, biting Loki’s lip, refusing to let go of him. When he finally allowed Loki to retreat, they were both breathing heavily. And Loki still had the same fire in his eyes as before. If anything, it burned even brighter.

“I don't even own all that many impact toys,” Stephen argued, and they both knew Loki had won.

Without a word Loki pulled his own belt from his jeans and handed it to Stephen. Turning around he bent over and leaned on the dinner table, feet braced.

“Do your worst.”

And Stephen did.

  
Again and again the belt came down on Loki’s naked back, but Stephen wasn't seeing Loki. He was seeing the girl on the operating table. Retracing his steps. What had been his mistake? Why hadn't he been able to save her? It shouldn't have been that hard. Had someone else maybe made a mistake? A member of his team? The first responders? The medics? Again and again he replayed the footage of her surgery in his mind. The soundtrack was there, too. Foo Fighters. Simon and Garfunkel. The Beatles. And then there was a Ramones song. Which one... he started humming the opening riff. Right. Learn to listen, Brain Drain, 1989.

And then Stephen froze. Loki's knees had just buckled. Stephen stared at his lover's torn back in utter shock. When... how had that happened? Stephen dropped the belt, unable to process what he was seeing.

“Oh my god Loki, did I miss you safewording?!”

“No. You did miss me _coming_ though,” Loki said, turning around with a cocky smirk.

“Sick bastard,” Stephen murmured.

“Says the man who just beat me into an orgasm.”

Stephen flinched.

“I’m sorry, Loki. Oh god I’m so sorry!”

Loki stood close, his hands on Stephen’s hips.

“I'm a pain slut, Stephen. This isn't all that far outside the usual for me. I've just never asked it of _you_ because I know it's not your thing. Usually.”

“Then why tonight?”

Stephen’s voice sounded weird. Like he was detached, still not really there.

“Because you needed it,” Loki said simply.

Stephen stepped back.

“Tell me the truth. Did you go further than you actually wanted? For my sake?”

There was a dangerous tone to his voice now. Loki didn't say anything. He didn't need to. Stephen turned away from Loki.

“How am I supposed to trust you if you don't safeword?” he said, quiet, cold, angry. “I can't play with you like that.”

“Excuse me? Don't you dare tell me this wasn't exactly what you needed! Also I was nowhere near needing to safeword, thank you very much!”

Stephen turned back around, his eyes hard.

“This was _not_ what I needed. I told you no. You manipulated me. I’m willing to believe that you thought you were doing me a favour rather than doing it for your own sake. Which would be a reason to end this thing between us. Am I making myself absolutely clear?”

Loki drew an angry breath, ready to fight back, but then what Stephen had said registered, and the fight left him.

“You wouldn’t really break up with me over a scene gone wrong, would you?”

“It’s not about a scene going wrong, about bad timing or bad communication. Of course I wouldn’t break up with you over anything like that. I love you. But coercing me into something I specifically told you I don’t want would destroy my trust in you.”

Stephen heaved a sigh.

“Look. I told you, I believe you. You thought you were helping. But I should never have let you talk me into this. If anything, I feel worse.”

Loki swallowed.

“I’m sorry, Stephen. I really thought…”

“It would have helped _you_. Had you been in my place, a severe whipping would have grounded you and made you feel better, calmer.”

“Yes.”

“Yeah well it doesn’t work that way for me.”

Loki bit his lip.

“When you put it like that it’s so obvious that I feel like an idiot. And I’m sorry. You’re right. I did manipulate you, and that’s low. Please?”

“Please what?”

“Please tell me we’re good, and please tell me what to do to help you.”

Stephen pulled him close.

“We’re good. And I just need some sleep. Preferably being held by a gorgeous man.”

Loki grinned.

“Want me to go pick one up for you? I think I know what you like.”

Stephen chuckled softly.

“You’re not going anywhere, mister. Other than straight to my bed.”

“Yes, sir,” Loki whispered, melting into Stephens embrace.

Stephen closed his eyes and exhaled.

“I’m sorry for the drama, Loki. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Come on. Let’s get you to bed.”

Loki woke up in the middle of the night because Stephen was restless beside him, making distressed little sounds that broke Loki’s heart. He gently rubbed Stephen’s shoulder.

“Hey. Shh, just a bad dream, come on. Wake up, Stephen, it’s okay.”

Stephen opened his eyes and stared at Loki.

“Wait, let me turn on the light.”

Stephen wouldn’t let him move, clinging to him, tracing Loki’s face with shaking hands.

“You’re okay,” Stephen whispered in disbelief.

“Nightmare? About me?”

Stephen swallowed and buried his face in Loki’s shoulder, clinging to him even harder.

“Yeah. Pictures of you, bruised and beaten and burned. Broken. Pictures you might find in a medical file. Exact records on every single injury plus a hypothesis on what might have caused it. And the plot twist right before I woke up? It was all me. It had been me who'd done that to you.”

“Stephen. What you did to me was barely a scratch. It will be gone by tomorrow night.”

“Barely a scratch compared to what your torturers did to you.”

Loki sighed.

“Well, yes. But also compared to what a lot of my play partners have done to me. I’m good, really. Don’t beat yourself up over it.”

“Let me see.”

“Huh?”

“I need to see the marks.”

Loki looked at him for a moment, and then he obediently rolled over. Stephen ran his fingertips over the welts.

“These need some ice.”

“Stephen. It’s…” He checked the alarm clock on Stephen’s bedside table. “4 in the morning. I’m fine.”

“Please,” Stephen said softly. “You asked what I needed. I need to take care of someone. To take care of you. Please. I know it’s stupid o’clock and I know you don’t actually need it but…”

Loki turned around enough to make eye contact.

“Okay. I get it. Take care of me.”

Stephen gave him a grateful look, kissed his shoulder blade and got out of bed.

“Be right back.”

Sometimes taking care of the man you love is to let him look after a minor injury at stupid o’clock in the morning. Loki softly smiled into his pillow and tried very hard not to fall asleep while he waited for Stephen to come back to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda hate that I quote Fifty Shades Of Grey (damn it nobody would have noticed it, right?)  
> But hey! Fluff!


	7. Cane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pain and fluff

Finally. Finally I had Loki back in my playroom, tied up, standing in the middle of the room, naked, his beautiful body accessible in any way I wanted, and I made use of it. Tease, denial, some pain from a cane, some humiliation. He was enjoying all of it, and so was I.

After a while the sounds he was making became feral, more and more guttural. I watched him slide into subspace, and it was beautiful. I wasn't just turned on - I was in awe. A man like him, letting go like that... I dropped to my knees, cane in hand, and took him as deep as I could. The way he reacted told me he was incapable of processing what was happening to him. And then he started protesting, horrified and confused:

“No... ma'am please no… plea… please don't… no… you can't… ma'am...”

I let him feel my teeth, not actually painful, just enough to send a message. He froze, stopped talking, stopped breathing. I let go.

“Do you want to keep this pathetic piece of meat, slave?”

“Yes ma'am.” Barely a whisper.

My teeth went back to his cock. A little bit more pressure this time. He whimpered but didn't move. I let go again.

“That's not what I expect you to say, slave. Again: do you want to keep this pathetic piece of useless meat you think of as a cock?” Teeth once more back to holding him.

He was panting, fast shallow breaths.

“On... only if... it… it pleases you, my lady!”

His whole body shuddered on the last word, and when I lightly dragged my teeth along his cock he would have collapsed, hadn't it been for the restraints holding him up. I took him deep again, and this time he didn't protest. He didn't even make a sound. I smiled around his cock, gave him one last long lick and stood.

“Fine.” I lifted his chin with the cane. “You are going to count, you are going to thank me, and you are going to ask for more. Every single time.”

“Yes, my lady,” he breathed, rock hard, panting, desperately trying to get himself under control. I walked around him and took aim, going for that sweet sensitive spot where thigh meets ass. I put considerable strength behind my first strike, and it immediately left a nice red stripe on his pale skin.

“One! Thank you, ma'am, may I please have another?”

Again. Same spot.

“Two! Thank you ma'am, may I please have another?”

Again.

“Three! Thank you ma'am—“

Again.

“Four,” on a pained exhale.

Again.

“Five!”

Again. Still the same spot.

“Six! Please ma'am—”

Again.

“Seven,” his voice breaking on a sob. “Please give me a break,” he whispered. He wasn't safewording though, so I hit him again.

“Eight,” shaking, sobbing, “thank you ma'am, please, no more...”

“This is far from over, pathetic little pain slut. It ends when you safeword - or when you come. Whichever happens first.”

I hit him again, and it tipped him over the edge. He came, hands-free, sobbing in the most delicious mix of pain and pleasure, his gorgeous body so tense I thought he'd break the restraints, and then he went slack, still quietly sobbing, held up solely by the restraints once more. I knew I had to release him, and fast. I stood close, my body pressed to his.

"I need your help here, love. Please look at me."

He raised his eyes to mine. They were so full of emotions that I wanted nothing more than to hold him.

"We need to get you out of the restraints. I'll start at your ankles so we can check if you can stand, okay?"

He nodded, but I wasn't entirely sure I'd really gotten through to him. It turned out he could stand, but barely - when I freed his arms he leaned heavily on me, and I hurried to get him to the bed. We lay down, facing each other. 

“I love you with all my heart,” he whispered, his forehead falling against my collar bone. “I love you. Oh god I love you so much.”

His lips started wandering, down my sternum and stomach, and I was about to open my legs for his clever mouth when I remembered he was in pain.

“Stop.”

He froze and lifted his head.

“I'm sorry ma'am. I got carried away, I'm sorry. Please don't be angry with me, please.”

I ran my hand through his hair.

“I'm not angry, love. I just don't think you're in any shape to serve me right now.”

“I am! Oh god please grant me this! Pleasing you while I can still feel the pain you gave me...” He let out a low moan. “Please... please let me serve you, my lady! Please!”

“Well I don't think I can say no to that, silver tongue,” I purred, and then I lay back and let him do his job.


	8. Taking Care

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doms are only human.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This on actually does take place right after the last time Loki saw Stephen (Chapter 6: Belt).

“On your knees.”

It was the first thing Stephen said when they saw each other after three weeks.

Loki made a little humming sound, whispered: “Yes, sir,” and obeyed all too eagerly. “May I please close the door, sir?”

“What? Oh. Yes.”

Loki turned, still on his knees, and pushed the apartment door closed. When he looked up at Stephen's face, he frowned.

“Stephen? Is everything okay?”

“Don't you dare call me by my name, slave. Put your mouth to better use,” Stephen hissed – and then he steadied himself on the wall, jaw clenched.

“Stephen.”

“I believe I gave you an order.”

Loki stood.

“Stephen. What's wrong?”

Stephen's shoulders slumped.

“I have a raging headache and nothing is working.”

He sounded exhausted and frustrated and even a bit whiny. Loki let out a breath and pulled him into a hug.

“Come on. Did you take your meds?”

“Now that's a stellar idea, I wish I had thought of that,” Stephen spat and freed himself. And immediately deflated. “I'm sorry. That... was uncalled for.”

“No. _I'm_ sorry. It was a stupid question. Come on. Let's get you to bed.”

When Stephen was flat on his back in his darkened bedroom, cool washcloth over his forehead and eyes, he murmured:

“I'm sorry.”

“Yeah we've established that.” Loki sat down on the bed. “What exactly are you apologising for, though? Being sick?”

“Letting you down. Last time you were here I bailed on you and then lost my shit, and now that you're finally back I wanted this weekend to be perfect. And here I am, out of commission.”

“Which isn't your fault. Is there anything I can do?”

“Just let me die in peace.”

Loki chuckled softly.

“Do you prefer to die on your own or can I keep you company? I promise to behave.”

“I... actually it would be nice not to be alone,” Stephen admitted.

“Okay.”

Loki lay down next to Stephen.

“I hate that it happens today of all days, Loki.”

“Yeah me too. I hate that we can't play, but more than anything I hate that you're in pain.”

He considered for a moment.

“Would you like me to go all service sub on you?”

“Not really your thing, is it?”

“Yeah, well.”

Stephen moved a little closer, searching for Loki's touch.

“Here's a fancy idea,” he murmured, “why not just be my partner, taking care of me?”

It took Loki a moment to react, but then he kissed the corner of Stephen's eye.

“Of course,” he whispered. “I'm here for you. Just let me know what you need.”

The next morning Stephen felt better. They had breakfast together – brunch, actually, considering everything Stephen had planned for and also considering the time it took them to make and eat it all – and by the time they were done, Stephen said he felt good. They went for a walk, and when Stephen sneaked his arm around Loki’s waist, Loki didn’t protest. Stephen pulled him into his side.

“This is nice,” he said.

Loki smiled softly.

“Yes. It is.”

Central Park was busy, but if anything it meant that nobody really paid attention to them. They sat down on a bench and looked over the water of the reservoir, and Loki might have moved a little closer to Stephen. It made Stephen smile.

“Yes,” he said, “Really, really nice. I’m glad you’re here.”

They talked, they smiled at each other, and at some point, Loki started running his fingertips up and down Stephen’s arm.

“What’s with the public display of affection?” Stephen asked. “Not that I’m complaining.”

“It’s just… hard to keep my hands off you.”

“Hm. I might have to take you back home then.”

“I think that’s a very good plan, sir. Unless you wanna use me right here.”

Stephen raised his eyebrows.

“What’s up with you today?”

“Nothing. Just… needy, I guess.”

Stephen got up and stood between Loki’s legs, which forced Loki to look up at him. Loki swallowed, and then he bit his lip. Stephen just looked at him.

“Please,“ Loki murmured. “You’re brutal.”

“I’m not doing anything.”

“Exactly!” He took a breath. “Please.”

“Please what?”

“Please, sir, take me back to your place and make use of me.” 

Stephen hummed pensively, leaned down and pulled Loki into a deep kiss, but quickly broke it and straightened.

“Sorry. I know you’re not a fan of that.”

Loki looked up at him, open and hungry.

“Again, please,” he whispered.

“Fuck, Loki, are you really turning me on on purpose? In Central Park?”

“Does that warrant punishment, sir?”

Stephen’s eyes darkened dangerously.

“With me. Right now.”

As soon as they were through the door of Stephen’s apartment, Stephen pushed Loki face first into a wall and pressed up against his back.

“Feel this, slut? This is what you’re doing to me.”

Loki hummed, enjoying himself a little too much for Stephen’s liking.

“You’re such a little shit.”

He reached around Loki’s body to open his jeans and pull them down, and then he ran his hand along the crack of Loki’s ass. Loki moaned, widening his stance, and moved into Stephen’s grip. A moment later Stephen’s own jeans were open, briefs pushed out of the way, and he started rubbing his cock between Loki’s thighs.

“Please, sir,” Loki whimpered.

“Shut up.”

Stephen just kept using Loki’s thighs, making no move to actually fuck him, and when Loki reached for his own cock in desperate need for friction, Stephen growled at him.

“Give me your hands.”

When Loki put them behind his back, Stephen held his wrists there and kept using Loki to get himself off, with no actual pleasure for his sub. No whimper, no plea, no amount of begging helped Loki’s case, even though Stephen obviously enjoyed hearing it, and when Stephen let go of Loki’s hands and allowed him to brace them against the wall, he took a step back and came all over Loki’s bare ass. A moment later he wrapped his arms around Loki, and they both slumped against the wall.

“Not fair,” Loki said, his frustration evident in his voice.

“What? You wanted to be used. I found you quite useful.”

Loki turned around and glowered at Stephen, and it made Stephen laugh.

He reached down and slowly stroked Loki's fully hard, leaking cock. When Loki leaned into it with a small sigh, Stephen murmured:

“I have to admit though, that's just too beautiful to waste.”

“Mmmhhhh... thank you, sir.”

Loki straightened.

“Wait what is that supposed to mean?”

“It means I want a service top tonight.”

He let go and looked up at Loki, who was staring at him.

“Really?”

“Really.”

Reaching up to kiss Loki, Stephen whispered:

“If that's okay with you.”

“Oh my god yes,” Loki moaned against Stephen's mouth. “I mean - anything you want, sir.”

Stephen chuckled.

“Enthusiastic consent. Sexy.”

The kiss became heated. Stephen bit Loki's lip and then let go with a low growl.

“You will lick me open, and then you will worship me with that gorgeous cock of yours, fill me, make me feel good.”

Loki’s knees literally buckled.

After dinner, as they lay down on Stephen’s bed, Loki said, eyes down, perfectly polite:

“May I make a request, sir?”

“Go ahead.”

“Please put a cock ring on me.”

“Afraid you won't last?”

“Yes, sir. I don't want to disappoint you. I know I’ll have to make you come at least once and I know how good you feel so there’s no way I would last long enough. Please.”

Stephen did as Loki had asked, and Loki set to work, preparing his Dom with expertise and patience, and by the time Stephen said he was ready, Loki was crazy with need and want and lust and desire.

Loki positioned himself behind Stephen, spooning him, and slowly, carefully, took him. Very soon Stephen started pushing back against him, wanting him deeper, wanting more, spurring him on. Buried balls deep in Stephen’s warmth, Loki picked up a slow, steady rhythm.

“God you feel amazing,” he breathed right into Stephen’s ear. “This is... I know I don't deserve to feel this and I'm so, so grateful, sir.”

“As you should be,” Stephen said, but it wasn't as smooth as Loki was used to, not as controlled. Having that effect on his Dom was a major turn on. Loki ground his teeth, trying to hold out, trying to please. Stephen reached for his own cock, and a few minutes later he clenched around Loki and came with a series of swearwords, and Loki pulled out, unable to take the intensity of the sensation any longer.

“I'm sorry, sir, I'm so sorry, I can't... you feel too good, I can't...”

“Get back inside me,” Stephen hissed. “I don't care how much longer you hold out. In fact I might allow you to leave your tribute inside me, slave.”

Loki just moaned at that, eager to feel Stephen again. He pushed in, slow but steady, and Stephen's head fell back against Loki’s shoulder.

“Would you like to come inside me, lovely?” he purred, reaching back to caress Loki’s side.

“Ggnnhh... Fuck, Stephen, are you serious?”

“Yes, love. You deserve a reward for making me feel this good. Come on. Let go. Come for me. Fill me for real.”

And that was that – no additional encouragement needed.

Stephen snuggled back against Loki’s body, and Loki’s arms came around to pull him closer.

“Are you okay?” he murmured, kissing Stephen’s neck.

“Mmmhhhh.”

“I am going to take that as a yes.”

“Yes. It’s a yes. In fact it’s a world of yes. We should definitely do this more often.”

Loki smiled into Stephen’s shoulder.

“Good. We should probably go clean up though.”

“Meh.”

The little laugh Loki huffed out tickled Stephen, and he flinched away.

“Come on,” Loki said, getting up and pulling Stephen with him. “Bath, then massage. I don’t want you to be sore tomorrow.”

They took a bath, and then Loki ushered Stephen back to bed, asked him to lay down on his stomach and started massaging his back. As he worked his way over Stephen’s ass, thighs and legs, Stephen sighed into his pillow.

“Good? Enough?” Loki asked when he reached Stephen’s ankles.

“Hmm. Heavenly, thank you!”

He turned around.

“Is this how you treat your bottoms?”

Loki chuckled and lay down beside Stephen.

“Every single one of them, yes.”

Stephen propped himself up on his elbow and looked down at Loki.

“How often does this happen? You topping?”

Loki smiled at Stephen, tracing his jawline.

“You were present the last time I did.”

Stephen raised his eyebrows.

“Really? Only with me?”

“Yeah.”

“Don’t you want it more often?”

Loki shrugged.

“I don't really have the energy to go hunting.”

“Oh please. If you go to the right club, all you have to do is enter the room and they will pile up. No hunting necessary.”

Loki blushed slightly, and after a little pause he said:

“I think I like it this way. That I have to wait for you to want it. That I'm only allowed to have it when it's about pleasing _you_.”

“Fuck, Loki, you're already turning me on again,” Stephen said and flopped down on his back.

“I’m sorry, sir,” Loki said, his smirk speaking volumes about how sorry he was.

“You know what happens when you turn me on, slave,” Stephen growled.

“Yes, sir. I have to take care of it.”

“Exactly.”

Loki hummed and kissed Stephen’s chest, working his way downwards, but Stephen stopped him.

“Hands, boy. I want it to be your hands…” Stephen pulled him up and framed his face. “I wanna kiss you while you serve me.”


	9. Breaking Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki just can't win...😈

Stephen backed him up against a wall the moment Loki came through the door.

“You made me wait for four weeks.”

His voice was a growl, and he was very obviously rock hard already.

“Go to the playroom, strip, kneel on the floor. Right now.”

Loki swallowed hard.

“Yes, sir,” he murmured, dropping his bag, and obeyed. He barely managed to get into position before Stephen was there.

“Hmm. You're not wearing a cage.”

Loki swallowed again.

“No, sir.”

“Why not?”

“I wasn't aware that you wanted me to, sir.”

“Go get it.”

“Yes, sir.”

He started crawling towards the hallway.

“On your fucking feet! We don't have all day,” Stephen hissed.

“Yes, sir.”

When Loki reappeared with his cage in hand, Stephen slapped him.

“Why the fuck didn't you put it on?”

“Because you didn't order me to, sir.”

“Oh for fuck's sake. Hand it to me.”

Cage in one hand Stephen roughly grabbed Loki's balls with the other.

“I can't believe you're shaved,” he hissed, letting go.

“What?!”

Stephen slapped him again.

“You know I don't like that.”

“I—what? So far you've always liked it!”

Stephen grabbed Loki's balls again, hard enough that it hurt.

“I told you that I don't like it when a grown man tries to look like a little boy. What am I, a pedophile?”

Stephen's grip was painful enough for Loki's eyes to water.

“Please, sir...”

“Why do you keep upsetting me with something you know I won't tolerate?”

“Please, I don't...”

“I told you. I keep telling you, again and again, but do you ever listen?”

The moment Stephen noticed the change in Loki's breathing he let go and backed off, but it was too late. Loki rushed out his safeword and slumped against Stephen's body.

“Sshhh, it's okay, love. I'm sorry. Please relax. I'm sorry I pushed you too far. Please. I love you.”

Stephen's hands gently rubbing Loki's back, his mouth on Loki's neck, his soft voice finally did it. Loki drew a deep breath, let it out on a shaky chuckle, and straightened.

“I missed you, too,” he said.

Stephen kissed him. Slow, deep, full of longing.

“God I missed you so much,” Loki repeated, kissing Stephen back with abandon.

When they broke the kiss Stephen said:

“Wanna get dressed so we can talk?”

“Yes.” Another deep breath. “Yes I guess that's a good idea.”

Stephen had made tea, and they were sitting on the couch. Loki had drawn his knees up and rested his chin on them, looking at Stephen from behind a protective wall.

“I’m sorry, Loki,” Stephen said once more. “Would you like to tell me what I did wrong?”

Loki swallowed.

“It’s fine if you don’t, just…”

“You want to understand what happened. Which is only fair.”

Stephen gave him a half shrug and a look that said ‘Well, yes.’

Loki sipped his tea.

“I once overheard a woman say her boyfriend had such bad memory that she could always get away with pretending she had informed him of something that in fact she hadn’t, and he would end up apologising for forgetting it. She and her friend found that hilarious. I thought it was horrible.”

“Well it is. It’s gaslighting. But… what happened _here_ was different, wasn’t it? I mean it was obvious I was just pushing you for the sake of pushing, right? No matter what you would have done, I would have found fault, reason to punish you… you usually like that stuff, don’t you? Unwinnable games?”

“I do. But this was different.”

Stephen replayed in his head what he had done, what he had said.

“This is about the shaving thing, right?”

“Yeah. I _know_ that you like it, and I know that if I _hadn’t_ shaved, you would have punished me for _that_.”

“So what was it, me pretending that we had discussed it?”

“Yes. I was wrecking my brain to try and find the memory of you saying that but I couldn’t, because…”

“Because I have never said it. Gaslighting. I get it.”

“Yeah. Please don’t ever do that to me.”

“I would never do that to anyone in real life. But something tells me I shouldn’t even do it in scene.”

“No. Just don’t.”

“Okay. I won’t. I’m sorry it made that much of an impact.”

Loki uncurled his legs and leaned in for a kiss.

“Thank you.”

They fell silent, Loki staring into his mug, and Stephen couldn’t help but feel like the conversation wasn’t over yet. Loki proved him right eventually.

“They used something on me to alter my memories,” he said out of the blue, but Stephen knew immediately who _they_ were.

“Like what, a drug?”

Loki considered it for a moment, and then he nodded.

“I guess you could call it that, yes.”

He took another sip of his tea.

“It feels as if you’re losing your mind. Literally. As if everything that’s _you_ drains away and dissolves and all that’s left are broken pieces that they can put back together any way they want.”

Stephen shuddered.

“That sounds horrible, Loki. I am so, so sorry that you had to go through that, and I’m devastated that I made you remember it. Was it… it wasn’t _that_ bad just now, or was it?”

He was staring at Loki with wide eyes, terrified by the idea of hurting his lover like that. Loki hesitated for a moment, and the bottom dropped out of Stephen’s stomach.

“Oh god. It was.”

“No.” Loki looked him straight in the eye. “No, it wasn’t. Whatever we do in scene, no matter how deep I’m under, I _always_ know on some level that it’s you, and that I can trust you, and that you would never harm me.”

Stephen held his gaze, desperate to make sure that Loki was telling the truth.

“Are you trying to protect me?”

“What? No! I mean, if you’re implying that I’m lying to you not to hurt your feelings, then no. I’m not.”

Stephen was still looking at him, not entirely convinced. Loki started to smile.

“Believe me, if it had been a full blown flashback, you would have noticed.”

Stephen winced. He took Loki’s hands.

“Don’t,” he whispered, pressing a kiss to Loki’s knuckles. “Don’t make fun of it.”

“Hey, they are _my_ traumatic memories. I get to talk about them any way I want!”

Stephen couldn’t help but chuckle. Loki grinned and then he joined in, the tension leaving him, leaving both of them. Stephen drew a deep breath.

“God, you’re the strongest person I know. Coming back from shit like that with your mind intact… and what a mind that is.”

Loki smiled.

“Mostly intact. Getting there.”

Stephen returned the smile.

“Therapy working?”

“Yes. Therapy, and being happy. Being happy helps a lot.”

Stephen just looked at him, and then he opened his arms.

“Come here,” he said gently, and Loki moved closer and turned, leaning his back against Stephen’s chest. Stephen wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close.

“I love you, and I’m very, very happy to have you,” he murmured into Loki’s ear.

“Shaved and all…” Loki purred.

Stephen huffed out a laugh.

“Yeah. Remind me to reward you for that, lovely.”

Loki hummed and snuggled in a little closer.

“Rest assured, I will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst and fluff. You're welcome.


	10. King of Hearts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff. Because I can.  
> Also a little silly.  
> And very short.

We were having a little dinner party at my house, no special occasion, just me and the boys and a few friends. I decided I needed more wine. Loki was sitting within reach of the bottle, so I asked him to pass it to me. No reaction. He was clearly not entirely sober anymore and lost in conversation with Nat. I tried again:

“Loki?”

Stephen did hear me. He grinned at me across the table, amused at my attempts to get Loki’s attention. I sighed dramatically and raised my voice a little:

“King?”

Loki's head snapped up and he looked at me.

“Yes?”

Stephen burst out laughing. Tony's eyebrows hit his hairline.

“Did you just call him ' _king_ '?” Tony asked.

I shrugged, my eyes still on Loki.

“Wine, please?”

“Oh, sorry. Of course.”

Loki passed me the bottle, I thanked him with a smile, and Tony was still staring.

“’ _King_ ’? Given the things you do to him in the playroom?”

He leaned back, arms crossed, looking between me, Loki and Stephen.

“And outside the playroom he's got you firmly wrapped around his finger? Both of you?”

I shrugged.

“Well, yeah. Who could blame us? I mean look at him! How could we say no to that?”

Loki blushed most adorably.

“Also the things we do to him are usually the things _he_ asks for,” Stephen pointed out.

I nodded and got up, standing behind Loki’s chair, my hands on his shoulders.

“ _Begs_ , usually, and quite beautifully, but yeah,” I purred, leaning down to kiss his neck. “It's all about him. He's king of the mountain.”

“King of hearts,” Stephen added, smiling, his eyes warm.

I knew exactly what that look and tone of voice did to Loki. He let out a breath and leaned back against me. Happy. This was what made Loki happy, and I loved it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes it's sappy and I'm not sorry.


End file.
